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The managed ERP

After assisted living, there is now assisted driving - see the new Mercedes E-Class - and soon there will be assisted ERP from Walldorf. Then SAP can finally patronize or rationalize away the annoying and recalcitrant existing customers.
Peter M. Färbinger, E3 Magazine
March 31, 2016
The-Last-Satire
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This text has been automatically translated from German to English.

Assisted living is a nice idea - not fish, but not meat either. You live within your own four walls. If the worst comes to the worst, help is always at hand. The best of both worlds - your own home and hotel service including emergency medical care.

Assisted driving, as presented by Mercedes with the new E-Class, seems more brutal:

Humans are too stupid to drive and, in all their emotionality, far too dangerous. The computer with its numerous sensors is the better driver. The classic motorist has been rationalized away!

Future "drivers" can stay at home and play with the Microsoft Xbox or Sony PlayStation while the car drives through the countryside undisturbed, safely and independently.

Similar considerations are now underway in Walldorf. A holistic approach to managed ERP has already been presented to the SAP board. The as always well-informed E-3 Magazine has a certified copy:

Much of the SAP concept for managed ERP is naturally stolen from Mercedes, but there are also innovative - almost disruptive - approaches alongside it.

While Mercedes concentrates exclusively on its own core competence - the car - when it comes to assisted driving, they think more holistically in Walldorf.

The basic equipment of the supported ERP includes a straitjacket "Made in China". This is intended to prevent the user from making unnecessary and incorrect entries in the long term or from disrupting the valuable system in any way.

In addition to the straitjacket for users, SAP CEO Bill McDermott also wanted rose-colored Terminator glasses with a Fiori effect that would eliminate any criticism at the outset - because praise for the beautiful, colorful user interface should naturally continue to come as if by magic. The supervised ERP includes a wireless keyboard and mouse.

Both without batteries, so that no disturbing interaction is triggered here either. As a precaution, all input fields (Fiori design!)have been eliminated, ensuring that the output works in real time.

Since the anomalies surrounding the Hana database, Professor Hasso Plattner's prestige object has lost popularity. Without any disruptive user interaction, Hana is once again running in real time in supervised ERP mode.

However, the most important instrument became SolMan. SAP Solution Manager Version 7.2 acts as a multimedia firewall that nips all outside interference in the bud.

This means that the ERP system being supported acts as a black box and no longer knows any error messages, which in turn means that support is no longer necessary and the annual maintenance fee can be booked 100 percent as profit.

Managed ERP naturally includes guardianship of the existing customer by SAP, which greatly facilitates planning with regard to version and database changes.

SAP now wants to license the concept of automatic system measurement without the possibility of objections, guaranteed transfer of the care fee even without support, and the transfer of guardianship to Mercedes.

After all, the cars in care would then stay in the garage and not emit any harmful CO2. At the same time, Mercedes could plan much better when to pick up the car and park a new one in the garage.

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Peter M. Färbinger, E3 Magazine

Peter M. Färbinger, Publisher and Editor-in-Chief E3 Magazine DE, US and ES (e3mag.com), B4Bmedia.net AG, Freilassing (DE), E-Mail: pmf@b4bmedia.net and Tel. +49(0)8654/77130-21


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